Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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