There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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