I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
