Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
