Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
