New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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