New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
