i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
