i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
