I bet he comes in French.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
