I love black thongs
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Its about making memories worth repressing
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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