you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
