I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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