I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
