I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
