He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
