nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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