Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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