she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
