I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
