Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
