from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
