Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
