I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
