I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
