i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
