I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
