U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
