I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize