toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
