I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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