I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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