Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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