I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
