Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
