Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
