Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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