girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
