Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
