Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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