Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
