I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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