I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
