he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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