Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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