The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
