Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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