Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just forgot I was standing up.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
