Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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