Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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