I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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