i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
