; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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