I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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