I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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