you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
