Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
