Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize