ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
