the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
