do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
