My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
