she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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