He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
