She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He felt like a one man threesome
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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