About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
