I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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