the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
