I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
