Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
