I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The power of my boobs compel you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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