I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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