Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
