Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
