I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
