It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
