Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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