There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
