haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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