Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
