Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize