I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
