Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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