Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
